Have you ever found yourself being defensive over what others have said? Would you react to comments and go upon you to ultimately prove that you are right?
This tactic only makes us feel vulnerable, insecure and small. It is an experience that will inevitably bring us to either binge or restrict our food intake. Either way, we lose if we cannot overcome overeating.
Let us take time to explore what triggers these eating disorders for you personally by examining your behaviour pattern.
Be familiar with when:
1. You are feeling like you have been placed on the defensive (you're being attacked or judged by others).
2. You are suddenly anxious or feeling insecure with someone.
3. You are feeling like to have to achieve the "right" answer quickly.
4. You hear yourself explaining your causes of certain choices, actions or beliefs inside a tone apart from peaceful and chill.
5. You hear yourself justifying your behaviour; arguing about your rightness; rather than just acknowledging it didn't work with your partner or that you dropped the ball, forgot, or chose to not follow through.
Whenever you notice these indicators of defensiveness and excuse making, start by stop talking, if you are in mid-sentence. Little one the situation as quickly as possible.
Then sit down along with you pen and paper or lap top/ipad/etc. and get yourself the next questions:
1. What exactly are you telling yourself with regards to you vs. that person/situation? What do they have or know that you do not?
2. Is there really a right along with a wrong? They may think so, but is it necessary to agree with them? Can't both of you be right?
3. Exactly what do you know that led you to definitely think or become you probably did? Exactly what do they feel or realize that led these to judge that or think and behave as they did? That which was operator in it and what was yours? Would you own your part without taking all of the responsibility? Can you simply say, "You know, I believed about X and I can see that which you mean...." And forget about whether or not they own their bit or otherwise. You realize your behalf has been looked after; you did the adult thing; and you know that it wasn't all you, that the perspective had validity too.
4. Defensiveness implies that you're feeling anxious because you believe you need that person's approval and you think that you're not getting it or not going to get it. Are you able to forget about needing their agreement or approval to become capable of seeing the reality inside your perspective? When they never saw "it" your way, would you be in how you behave according to your point of view at the time?
5. Defensiveness signifies that you have given yourself just two options - your way or their way. Explore the way you might make room for both. What truth are you able to get in their perspective? What truth can you find in yours?
6. What solution would you arrived at that fits the needs of all parties? DO NOT ever agree to something which doesn't suit your needs. If you cannot take action that fits your needs in addition to theirs in some manner, under your control is to yourself first and the both of you will have to agree to take care of your own needs in this situation. (This really is exceptionally rare! Maybe one situation in 100.)
Review your answers and explore your thoughts in response to a situation that triggered some insecurity or defensiveness for you personally.
Remember, your utilization of food to cope and your body image stress are inextricably linked to how you are planning during these or similar situations. The more you understand what triggers your eating disorder, the less you'll need to engage in restriction (dieting, anorexia), binging (overeating) or purging. You can study to recuperate from your eating disorders.